


365 love letters

by kitamaru



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Coma, Eventual Happy Ending, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:14:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26527303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitamaru/pseuds/kitamaru
Summary: Yamaguchi Tadashi daily cares for Tsukishima Kei, who has fallen into a coma after a traffic accident.Since the day he collapsed, Yamaguchi has been writing a letter to his beloved boyfriend every day.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 66





	365 love letters

**Author's Note:**

> I'm posting a translation of this, which I wrote personally a few years ago.
> 
> I'm not a native English speaker.  
> (I'm Japanese 😖)
> 
> I sometimes use a translation site so there are many mistakes.
> 
> Please read it in the mood somehow.

* * *

Dear Tsukki

How are you, Tsukki?

I had a dream about you today. We were both still in high school, and we were walking down that street, holding hands.

I was talking all over the place again.Tsukki looked at me like he was dumbfounded, and then he smiled a little.

I'm sorry, Tsukki.I'm sorry I'm always noisy.

But you always took your headphones off when you were with me, I remember.

I was happy.

I awoke from a dream,and I was disappointed, but I was happy to see you for the first time in a long time, and I was happy to see you smiling.

I'll write you again soon.

I love you.

June 10th  Yamaguchi Tadashi

* * *

Tsukishima Kei was lying on a bed in that room, where the walls and ceiling were all white.

His hair looked like braided pale moonlight, and his eyes, framed by eyelashes of the same color, were quietly lowered, reflecting nothing at the moment.

There is a sound of the door opening and a nurse dressed in white comes in.

"Mr. Tsukishima, I'm going to change the sheets."

Calling out to her ceremoniously, she nimbly moves the tall, body of Tsukishima, strips off the bedding from his bunk and replaces it with clean linens. Just as finish, there is a knock at the door, and without waiting for a response, the door opens.

"Oh, hi."

A young man, also tall, who came through the gently opened door, greeted the nurse with an amiable smile on his freckled face.

"Hi, Yamaguchi-kun. You hard work every day."

"No, it's always late, sorry."

I answer as I place the bag I was carrying on my back on a chair by the wall.

"I'll be closing the entrance at 8pm, so make sure you're out of there by then."

After saying that, the nurse finished cleaning up quickly and left.

Yamaguchi, who was left in the hospital room, looked at Tsukishima, who was still sleeping.

"Tsukki, sorry. I'm late."

Tsukishima doesn't answer.Yamaguchi stared at his white face for a moment, with an indescribable expression on his face, and then.

"Oh, yeah." He muttered, "I bought flowers!"and took out a bouquet with a large hydrangea in the middle from the paper bag He was holding.

Holding the bouquet in one hand, a pale light blue color, like a bouquet of collected tears, it replaces the contents of the vase with a familiar hand. 

The peach-colored gerbera that had been driven out of the vase in place of the hydrangea was still spreading its petals, though the edges were beginning to fade a bit.

He stand beside Tsukishima and roll up the quilt and gently lift his left arm, which has begun to lose muscle and become a bit thin. 

Slowly, he raises that arm toward his head, moving the joints around his shoulder.

He carefully exercises his elbow, wrist, and then one of his five fingers, bending, stretching and rotating them in the same way, so that he doesn't forget to move the joints of the moon island.

After that, he repeated the process with his right hand, then his right foot, then his left foot, and so on.

The human body, with no strength at all, is heavy, even with just one leg or arm. Yamaguchi's forehead was slightly covered with sweat, but his face and hands were filled with prayer and compassion, and he did not feel any pain.

"Tsukki, we've already entered the rainy season. It's raining again today, and even with an umbrella, I get soaked on the way to the station."

As He put the quilt back on, He talked one way or the other about trivial matters.

"The train in Tokyo is so crowded that when it rains, the person next to gets hit by an umbrella and it gets cold and chills. In Our hometown, I couldn't imagine doing that."

Yamaguchi has not changed since those days of walking side by side.He waits for the usual words to be spun into a depressed, loving, and annoying tone, and he just keeps talking about things that don't matter to Tsukishima or himself.

"Here's today's letter. Read it."

While saying this, he takes out a letter from his bag. On the surface of the childish letter, which is a white and light blue striped envelope sealed with a sticker of some unfamiliar character, is written "Dear Tsukishima Kei". 

He reaches out and takes up a similarly shaped envelope, this one green, which is placed by Tsukishima's bedside.This one is yesterday's letter. There are no signs that the seal has been opened, of course.

Gently placing the new envelope under my pillow, I open the top drawer of the bedside cabinet, holding the yesterday's letter I took up in one hand, and slip the green envelope.

The drawer is full of similar envelopes.Those letters, stacked up from the bottom of the drawer as they fell, should have been over ninety by now.

"Tsukki, your hair has grown."

He pulled the round chair over to the side of the bed and sat down, touching Tsukishima's hair as he stroked it.

Tsukishima's hair, which had remained as short as it had been since he was a child, had grown a little longer, as Yamaguchi had said, and his bangs were beginning to hang over his white forehead.

"Oh well, three months have gone by before, I knew it."

Yamaguchi's thin fingers, which had been stroking Tsukishima's hair, suddenly stopped.

Tsukki,I still think about it every morning.

Ah, it's not a dream after all.

Burying his face in the area of Tsukishima's motionless belly, Yamaguchi's voice, so small that it seemed to disappear, disappeared in a wooden spirit on the white ceiling.

Droplets of water on the hydrangea bouquet dripped down, defying gravity, and were sucked into the vase.

* * *

It was a traffic accident.

At the end of February, when he was about to graduate from high school, he was involved in a truck that fell asleep at the wheel and fell into a coma.

The driver died instantly. 

In other words, Tsukishima's family and Yamaguchi don't even have anyone to hold a grudge against.

Even though he hadn't suffered much trauma, Tsukishima didn't wake up even after his body had healed.More than three months have passed since the doctors at the emergency hospital recommended that he be transferred to a university hospital in the Tokyo area that houses a neurosurgery department.

"To be honest, I can't expect to recover my consciousness." 

When the brain surgeon at the transfer destination told us, and "Kei, Kei." the Tsukishima family who cried in his name were like a dream event. 

While looking at him, Yamaguchi stood stunned, and without even crying, he just thought about the future with his dull head.

As it turns out, he was planning to go to university in Tokyo anyway, so he decided to move ahead and start living on his own without attending the graduation ceremony.

After talking with Tsukishima's family, who have been close to him since he was a child, Yamaguchi assured them that "I would take care of him completely in Tokyo."

I know that they would all want to move to a new home to be with their brother.But the long hospital stay and what will probably be an epic rehabilitation, if he miraculously regains consciousness, will cost an indefinite amount of money.

Yamaguchi knew that his family could no longer afford to quit their jobs to attend to him.

Yamaguchi's life in Tokyo began without a glimmer of hope, as dark as the sky before a heavy storm.

On the day we finished moving, He had a brief discussion with Tsukishima's mother, who was returning to Miyagi in her place, about the hospital-related matters that would be handed over to her, and without a word, we simply clasped our hands tightly together and wished the same thing as we watched the Shinkansen leave the platform, carrying her on its way.

As I slipped into the small room in the six-mat Japanese room and locked the door, a deep loneliness suddenly hit me and almost crushed me.

"Tsukki..."

He calls the name of the most important person in the world.

A name that is no longer answered.

Yamaguchi believes, deep in his heart, without wavering, that he will come back.Like many patients' families and loved ones, he has a firm belief that this will happen to his loved ones, whether it be a miracle or not.

How can I do otherwise?

Ever since those days when they met in elementary school, Yamaguchi's days were always with Tsukishima.

They met up and walked to school, headed to the same classrooms, followed the same balls in the same gymnasium, and followed the same path home side by side.

Day after day, he would talk to Tsukkishima, day after day, to the point of being annoying even to himself.

Yesterday at the club...

You know, that teacher....

The English test is....

My mother was.....

Did you see that show?.........

I don't know if he's listening or not, but Tsukishima only occasionally gives short replies in a cold manner, but I'm more than happy to have him next to me.

It had traveled back and forth through the bright spring sunshine, through the cotton candy clouds of a summer day, through the lonely autumn dusk, and through the early mornings of winter with white breath.

Yamaguchi's endless chatter and Tsukishima's soft, quiet voice echoed through the seasons, making any dull day a special one when they were together.

But now, they are alone with each other, facing their loneliness in their own small rooms.

"I have a lot to tell you, Tsukki."

Yamaguchi, who had been sitting on the tatami mats in a crumpled heap, suddenly looked up and stood up.Then, in the half-unpacked room, he scratched at a piece of cardboard and somehow managed to pull out a ballpoint pen and an old letter set.

"Well, what's the first one? Tsukki, how are you... is that weird?"

It's obvious that he is not well. Even so, he couldn't think of any other words to start the letter, so he just started writing.

This is how Yamaguchi began to write the letter.

I wanted to tell Tsukishima about his days, as I've been doing next to him all this time.

* * *

The sweltering summer in Tokyo was over, and the not-so-cool autumn had arrived.

Tsukishima was still asleep, and the number of letters piled up in her drawer exceeded two hundred.

After stopping to think about stopping by the flower shop, he remembered that the white dahlia he had decorated the other day was still in full bloom yesterday, so he headed straight for the hospital.

After knocking formally as usual, He opened the door of the hospital room and found the first guest today.

''Akiteru-kun!''

Tsukishima's brother must have come straight from work, sitting in a suit jacket over the back of a chair, dressed in a cutout shirt and tie.

"Oh, Tadashi."

"I'm surprised! Are you off tomorrow? Do you want to stay at my place?"

Yamaguchi happily walked over to Akemitsu's side.

''No, I'm going to stay here because I can get a bed for a nap. Thanks."

"Yeah, that's right."

As he speaks, he puts his bag on the wall, and quickly changes the water in the vase, washes his hands, and pulls out a cup of tea from the refrigerator and pours it into a glass.

Akiteru receives the glass offered to him and looks intently at Yamaguchi's face.

"What? Akiteru-kun. I can't get anything more out of you even if you look at me like that."

"um…I'm sorry, Tadashi. I've been leaving it up to you..."

He can't help but choke on his words. Even though they should be carrying the same pain... No, in fact, it's probably more gut-wrenching than it is for me because they're related by blood. He even cares about himself.

"It's not true. Akiteru-kun, your father, your mother, and you come here all the time.........I think it's really hard to ride the bullet train when everyone is working...."

After saying this in a small voice, he laughed to himself and said, "I happen to be in Tokyo, and I'm a college student, and I'm so lucky..."

"Ah, sorry, I'm going to do some contraction prevention exercises, okay?"

Yamaguchi casually approached the bed and informed Akimitsu before touching Tsukishima's body and beginning his usual careful joint movement exercises.

"I'll help you. Show me how to do it."

"Really? Then that arm, lift it up the same way, and then...."

Akiteru thinking as he bends and stretches his brother's arm, which has become much thinner, as Yamaguchi instructs him to do.

This hospital is a university hospital with some of the best neurosurgeons in Japan, with excellent facilities and equipment.Even if Yamaguchi didn't have to do any stretching, the staff with specialized knowledge should be able to properly treat him every day.

But even so, Yamaguchi's heart ached with the thought that he had to do something about it, and that he must be working diligently with this thin body every day.

He came to Tokyo all alone, attending college and taking classes while coming to the hospital every morning and evening to take care of my brother.

Even though they are in a generous hospital, the care is still unimaginable, as the part of the care that can be done falls on the patient's relatives.

The family and the staff have to share in all the care that is needed to wipe him down, take care of his pressure ulcers, stretch him, take care of his excrement, change his clothes, and generally keep him alive.

On top of that, he even works part-time at a local pub a few nights a week to late at night.

He laughed at me as if it were nothing at all, saying that sending money home was not enough, but I could tell that Yamaguchi was exhausted.

"Tadashi, you're strong."

Akiteru mutters to himself. He feel Yamaguchi look up and he looks up too.

"You used to be such a crybaby."

He teasingly told him to stop, and then Yamaguchi laughed, "Stop, when did that happen?" and then returned his eyes to his hand.

"I...I've stopped crying."

* * *

"You're crying again."

Yamaguchi is crouched in the corner of the schoolyard, soaking wet and squirming, when an umbrella is gently placed over him.

"What's wrong with you this time?"

"Umbrella..."

"Umbrella?"

Tsukishima leaned forward and looked into Yamaguchi's crouching hands.

The sky-blue umbrella, held carefully, had been cruelly snapped in the middle.

"It's an umbrella that matches yours."

When Yamaguchi finally stood up, he looked up at Tsukishima and said this to him, and with a bang, fresh tears welled up in his eyes.

"Those guys never learn their lesson, huh?"

I wonder how much they loves you, going out of his way to bully you when I'm not around.

With a snorting laugh, He pulled out a handkerchief from my pocket and wiped Yamaguchi's tear-stained and snot-stained face.

"Come on, Yamaguchi, don't cry. When you cry, I get in trouble."

Yamaguchi looks at him. His tears still not dried.

"Does it bother you, Tuskki?"

"Yeah. I had to get you to stop crying soon."

Yamaguchi's mouth was hanging open for a while, then he suddenly gulped and wiped the tears from his face with both hands. 

Then he forced a smile and looked up at Tsukishima.

"Then I'll stop crying now! I don't want to get you in trouble."

"Yeah. You'd better smile like that. Come on, go home. You're gonna catch a cold if you're soaking wet."

After that, Yamaguchi stopped crying. Even when the bullies were mean to him, he squeezed his lips together and resisted. When he stopped crying, the bullies gradually stopped bullying him.

* * *

"I promised Tsukki that I would."

Holding Tsukishima's ankle and slowly turning him around, Yamaguchi continues without even looking at Akiteru.

"He said that when I cry, Tsukki is in trouble."

He laugh at "how much trouble I've been causing him."

"I'm sure Tukki is fighting hard right now. I'm sure that he wants to come back. That's why I don't cry."

"Yeah, well..."

Nodding his head, Akiteru couldn't hold back the involuntary surge.

Yes, my brother, he's fighting.

Please, please, please come back.

"Oh, yeah,Tadashi."

He somehow wipes away the tears with the back of his hand and opens his mouth to Yamaguchi, who is re-covering the quilt over Tsukishima's body.

"I brought this for him."

He shoved his hand into the bag and took out a paper bag and handed it to Yamaguchi. 

''Oh, this........''

From inside came a music player and headphones.Tsukishima had been using it for a long time.

"...I heard that he wake up to his favorite music or smell... or something like that.

I've charged it, so you can use it right away."

Akiteru tells him, and Yamaguchi looks at the player's LCD screen with a nostalgic look in his eyes as he slowly operates it. 

He puts the headphones to his own ears first, making sure the music is playing, and then he runs his hair through his hair to put them on, before putting them to both of Tsukishima's ears.

They watched with bated breath for a while, but the miracle of Tsukishima opening his eyes didn't happen, and the only thing that could be heard in the quiet hospital room was the faint sound leaking from the headphones.

"Well, it's not going to work out that way..."

Akimitsu sighed and slumped into a chair. Yamaguchi, who was showing the same disappointment, called out to him  and cheer up.

"I'll make him listen to music with this every day from now on! I can't understand it in one sitting, and maybe there will be a song that his attached to, you know!"

Akiteru's gaze caught Yamaguchi's.It was both painful and dazzling to see Yamaguchi behaving so stoutly.

I've always known that there is a greater bond between my brother and he than one would think of in a normal friendship, but where does this gratuitous and boundless affection come from?

"Akiteru-kun?''

Yamaguchi, who had slipped the letter into a drawer after putting the headphones away, noticed Akemitsu's gaze and nodded his head curiously.

''Ah, no, Tadashi, are you off albite today? Let's go grab a bite to eat somewhere."

I'll buy you a drink so take you to a nice restaurant! 

Yamaguchi left the hospital room with Akiteru who patted him on the back.

* * *

Yamaguchi promised not to cry, but only once did he cry in front of Tsukishima.

"What are you doing, Yamaguchi? Let's go."

One day after he had gotten used to high school life, Tsukishima stopped and turned around on his way home from club activities after the sun had set.Yamaguchi stopped a few steps behind him and looked down at his feet.

"Yamaguchi."

Tsukishima calls out his name in disgust. Yamaguchi has been like this for a while now.

There's no response, so I have no choice but to take a few steps back to his immediate vicinity and pop my hand on his shoulder from the front.

"Whoa! Tsukki! Sorry, I..."

He jumps up and down with a start, and when he finally looks up, his cheeks are bright red.

"You're so sick that you can't see me in front of you."

Sighing, Tsukishima takes Yamaguchi's arm and they start walking again.

"You've been in a daze like that lately, both in class and during club activities, and you've been making a lot of mistakes that you wouldn't normally make, haven't you?"

"I don't know if that's true.......sorry, Tsukki...."

Tsukishima knew all too well what was bothering Yamaguchi so much, to say the least.

I was thinking of waiting until he came up with an answer for himself, but now I think I can't wait for this to happen.

"Hey, it's not something to worry about?"

Tsukishima stopped in his tracks as he turned around.Yamaguchi's feet also stopped as he hit Tsukishima with the same momentum he had been walking, and they were now facing each other.

Yamaguchi looks shyly at Tsukishima's left hand, which is still holding his own, staring at him.

"For me, it's been a given for years now."

"What's the..."

Tsukishima's right hand softly stroked Yamaguchi's hair as she raised her gaze.

"You're so insecure without words, aren't you?"

"What, Tsukki...?"

"I love you, Yamaguchi. I like you not as a friend, but as a lover."

Yamaguchi's eyes widen round.

"But Tsukki...But...I'm a guy...?"

"I know. How long do you think we've been together?" 

Because, because...

Tears welled up in Yamaguchi's eyes as he searched for words in the confusion.

"I thought I was bothering you..."

Tears spilled from his downcast eyes.

The tears fell on the back of Tsukishima's hand, dipping into the hollow of the bone, and Tsukishima looked at them blankly.

For the first time in years, Yamaguchi's tears were very beautiful.

"Tsukki, I........"

I wiped his cheeks with my fingertips astears streamed down his cheeks like a dam. 

"Hey, Yamaguchi, don't cry. It's just that when you cry, I get in trouble."

He scooped his chin with his tear soaked hand and gently placed his lips on him.

My first kiss tasted like tears.

* * *

____I had a dream that Tsukishima was dying.

Yamaguchi jumped up, and her heart was pounding so hard that it felt like it was going to break, and sweat was seeping down her forehead.

''Hah, hah..........''

I move my eyes to assess the current situation. It's my room.

"A dream........."

I put my hand to my chest to suppress my still beating heart.

A dream I've had many, many times.It seems to be increasing in frequency these days.

"No ... I'm scared, Tsukki..."

I hold my knees and bury my face in them.

It's a lonely room, and there's no sign of life.The faint buzzing sound of the old refrigerator was the only sound that persisted in his empty mind.

He flip through the calendar with a gloomy feeling.

When He tore up the paper that said "February" on that calendar from some company that his mother had hung up on New Year's Day, He saw a picture of a cute puppy looking at him with guiltless eyes, along with the calendar for the new month.

Oh, the seasons have come full circle.

Tsukki, the second spring since you slept, it's coming around.

"Yamaguchi~, do you have some time to spare today?"

After the morning lecture, he was packing up his textbooks when a friend from his department approached him.

He was in college and had made a good amount of friends, but he didn't try to get too actively involved with people and kept a certain distance from them.

"Today?"

"It's the evening, and I'm running out of people for the party, and I just can't get one person."

"Uh...."

As I was searching for words in my head to say no, another friend of mine, who was closer to me than this guy, came over in a hurry.

"Hey, I told you no Yamaguchi! What's the matter with you?"

"Well, you know, Yamaguchi has the height and the girls too..."

"You don't have to do this. Come on!"

"Damn you, Sorry Yamaguchi! " And he pulls the still buzzing man away.

Thank you, I raise one hand to my friend. He smiles and waves back.

I heard a voice from the other side of the room scolding him, "I told you before that he has to go to the hospital every day after lectures to take care of his family, so you shouldn't ask him out."

As he looked off at their backs, Yamaguchi thought to herself that there was no point in going to the party anyway.

It's a good thing that I'm not the only one, because I know that the day when my heart is moved by someone other than Tsukishima will never come.

It's not that I miss or envy the fact that my friends are enjoying their youth.However, the only thing he can't help but miss is the warmth that has always been with him, even now, even after a year has passed.

For him, losing Tsukishima means losing both his best friend and his lover at the same time.

After the lecture, I headed to the hospital as usual.

It was March and the air in the city was soft.Everyone is in a state of buoyancy, and everyone seems to be happy in the sunshine that spring brings.

They took off their gloves and walked hand in hand, dancing in the beautiful spring air.

Why is it that the more I am in a painful mood, the more I see people's happiness?

Ah, It's unbearable.

The only thing is that a year has passed. That's all, though.

His precious lover has become so ragged, thin, and fragile that he's hesitant to even hug him as hard as he can anymore.

He walks into the quiet café in front of the station where he usually stop by, order a warm cup of coffee, and then sit down in the corner.

I take out my letter set and pen case from my bag and spread them out on the table.

It's life as usual. 

This is everyday life in Yamaguchi.

From this seat in the café, he has written dozens, hundreds of letters to Tsukishima with all his heart.

Today. It's the same as always. Just like that, I write letters.

"Tsukki, it's March. The new calendar has a picture of a puppy. 

I fell asleep in my afternoon class and didn't take any notes. 

I think it's time for hay fever, I need to buy a mask."

I have lots and lots of things to talk about. But, But...

"Tsukki, "

My hands were shaking and I couldn't write anything else.

Tears fell on the letterhead that I had spread out, gently spreading to make a blotchy mess.

The tears I'd endured and never shed for a year were spilling out, one after another, as if my tear glands were broken.

Oh, God.

I don't need anything else.

Give him back to me.

I don't care if I fall apart instead of being in pieces.

Please, please, please give him back to me.

Yamaguchi's prayer, mournful to the point of being torn away, was sucked into the coffee cup with the tears, mingled, dissolved, and then disappeared in the blackness.

"Sorry I'm late, Tsukki."

A weeping, swollen-eyed Yamaguchi appears in his usual hospital room.

He pulls up a chair and sits down beside Tsukishima and gently places an envelope, slightly blurred by tears, on Tsukishima's pillow.

It's been exactly one year since the day I came here last year, and this is my 365th letter.

"Tsukki...."

He reaches out and touches the soft hair that has already grown to the same length as his own.

Then to the white, dry cheeks. Then he gently lifted the comforter and took his hand, which was now completely thin.

My lovely Tsukishima's hands.

I loved the way these hands stroked my hair, wiped away my tears, and held me in a strong hug.

Maybe tomorrow he would be able to look forward again and smile cheerfully with only a hint of hope in mind.

But today, inevitably, he couldn't control this battered heart.

"Tsukki, I'm sorry..."

Tears swell in Yamaguchi's eyes.

"I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise..."

The tears couldn't bear the gravity, and they fell from his downcast eyes.

Then the warm tears that had fallen to the back of Tsukishima's hand, falling on the hollow of his bones.

Just as he had cried that day when he told him his feelings.

____That moment.

Yamaguchi opens his eyes, feeling the slightest hint of discomfort in the hand that was holding Tsukishima's hand.

''Tsukki...?''

There's no particular change in Tsukishima's hands that are stacked on top of each other. It's just that it's a little wet with his own tears.

I slowly move my eyes to look at Tsukishima's face.

''.................!!''

An unvoiced cry escaped Yamaguchi's lips.

He lifted his eyelids heavily, and the thinly opened eyes of the nostalgic Tsukishima were staring at Yamaguchi, dazzling.

"......tsu...kki...."

The emotion of surprise stands first, and I don't know what to do.

Suddenly, Tsukishima's lips moved slightly, and I realized that he was trying to tell me something, so I pulled his face closer.

Of course, there was no way for him to make a sound.

Even his lips were barely moving.

And yet, in a voice as faint as a breath, he said slowly.

" Yamaguchi,don't cry... "

I couldn't control my sobs and covered my mouth with my hands.

Even so, it wasn't enough, the tears poured out and spilled and didn't stop, and I ended up crying loudly and miserably.

* * *

I was having a dream.

It was terribly redundant and boring, and yet it seemed to be floating in a quiet stream that made me want to surrender to it forever.

Suddenly a light came on and I turned my attention to it.

It's bright, soft, smells gentle, and I hear a joyful laugh.

I get up and start walking towards it.

But then I realized.

Far below the stream I'd been floating in, someone was crying.

Buried in a bundle of letters, he is quietly weeping.

What was his name?

My, my precious, gentle greenish hair and freckled face always laughing...

"Yamaguchi, don't cry,"

When you're crying, I'm in trouble.

* * *

"Tsukki, good morning!"

The door opens at about the same time as I knock, and Yamaguchi comes in, his frizzy hair bouncing around again this morning.

"Good morning."

Turning only his gaze in that direction, Tsukishima slowly replies.The moment he catches Yamaguchi's figure in his field of vision, a slight smile appears on his mouth.

"You know, just now, in front of the hospital, I saw a cat! and as you would normally expect a cat to run away, it came close to me and I touched it! I hadn't touched a cat in a long time, it was very comforting!"

He comes in and within a second you're already starting to blabber on about some nonsense.

___You, if you've touched the cat, you should wash your hands.

"I checked my phone on the way here and it's gonna rain tonight. I didn't bring an umbrella. What should I do!?"

___Because you don't look at it before you leave home. Don't you keep an umbrella here?

Tsukishima's calm prodding probably didn't get through to Yamaguchi at all. Unfortunately, his language functions have not yet recovered enough to put all of his thoughts into words.

Two weeks had passed since that day.

When Tsukishima woke up that night, the hospital was in an uproar, and many doctors and nurses came in and out to give him treatment.

With trembling hands, Yamaguchi managed to make a phone call, and Tsukishima's family couldn't wait for the first train to arrive, so they flew by the car in from Miyagi.

Yamaguchi didn't know was that if he woke up from a prolonged coma, it was not uncommon for him to go back into a coma within a few hours of waking up again, or to wake up once and then die at once.

It was an unpredictable situation, but fortunately, he was still awake, his gait slow as an hourglass running down, but he was definitely getting better.

The tests showed no residual brain damage and no infections, and the doctors assured me that the major crisis was over, and he has been in full rehabilitation for about a week now.

There's still very little He can do on his own. Right now, he can barely move his gaze, speak short, slow words, and as for his body, he can move his wrists a little.

Still, he can eat by mouth instead of through an IV, and his hollowed-out cheeks are slowly returning to normal.

When I first woke up, I had no idea what was going on.

It was my body, but I couldn't move a single finger freely, as if I had been crucified, and Yamaguchi was crying in front of me.

Many white-clad figures clattered into the room, which I didn't even know where they were, and asked me all sorts of questions, but when I tried to answer them, I couldn't even speak, as if my throat was stuck in the back of my throat.

Eventually the situation was explained to me and I finally learned that I had apparently been asleep for a year.

I didn't feel it at all, but the feel of my hair against my ears and eyes, which should have always been short and coiffed, made me realize that it had been a really long time.

It was inexcusable that he couldn't move or speak freely, but more than that, it hurt to think of my family and, most of all, of the wailing of Yamaguchi, who had spent the past year crying in front of him.

I wanted to hug him and comfort him, I thought, as my body couldn't lift a single arm.

Anyway, Tsukishima Kei awoke from his long sleep and began to carve the sound of life again in this world.

* * *

A month had passed since Tsukishima's rehabilitation began in earnest.

The rehabilitation process was longer and more strenuous than Yamaguchi had initially expected.

First of all, the doctors told him that in order to fully return to daily life, he had to be prepared to spend three times as long as he had been asleep.

What the past year has been like is that He just been unconscious and asleep, so now that He awake, almost all of his bodily functions are working normally.

His thoughts are as clear as ever, and his voice, which had been difficult to produce at first, is now as normal as it should be, and He can speak fluently.

All of his internal organs are also functioning normally, they says.

But he couldn't move anyway.

His arms and legs were as thin as sticks, and he had lost all his muscles after more than a year of being motionless and asleep.

He was told that He would regain a certain level of muscle strength once He got him life back, but first, his joints would not bend.

Starting with his fingertips, the staff took him by the hand and started bending and stretching him, but it hurt so much that he couldn't help but scream.

And he has an unusually short amount of time to stay awake.

Just waking up, picking up a meal, doing a short rehab session, and then just being awake for a few hours was enough to make his limp and tired, and when he was put back in bed, he fell asleep immediately, regardless of the time.

Tsukishima wondered if the day would ever come when he could return to his normal life like this, and a quiet sense of urgency slowly built up in his heart.

One day, when Yamaguchi visits the hospital room after his lecture, Tsukishima is unusually awake and up in bed.

He should have known that Yamaguchi had entered the room, but the fact that he didn't look at me suggested that he wasn't in a very good mood.

It reminded me of a conversation I had with the staff in charge a few days ago.

"Mr. Tsukishima, he doesn't show it too much, but I think he's in a bad way."

"Rehabilitation is hard on him, isn't it..."

"Rehabilitation is also a battle against pain, so...And I think it's time for me to start getting impatient. He wonder if He will ever be able to move again."

"I don't want him to be in a hurry." she said,"but it's impossible not to be in a hurry."

"Tsukki, I bought you a cake. Let's eat it together!"

When I call out to him cheerfully to shake off some of his melancholy, Tsukishima's sullen face turns back to me.

"...I can't move, and if I eat cake, I'll get fat. I don't need it."

"I'd rather you get any fatter. How much weight do you think you've lost in the past year?"

"I just lost muscle, what are you going to do with all that fat?"

Yamaguchi opens the refrigerator while complaining.

"Then I'll store it here, so if you feel like eating it, ask the nurse to take it out.If you don't eat it by the end of tomorrow, it will go bad."

Seeing Tsukishima's sulky, tight-lipped refusal to answer, Yamaguchi thinks that it must have been really hard for him today.

Besides, just like the staff had said, the impatience must be growing in him. 

"Hey, Tsukki. when summer comes, why don't we go watch fireworks?"

I dare to talk about something a little further down the line.

"I heard there are a lot of big fireworks displays in this area. I'll be looking for a place where I can see them from afar."

Right? I show him a smile, but Tsukishima doesn't even look at me.

"...how? I can't even walk?"

"You'll be able to move around a bit more by then. Besides, I can borrow your wheelchair."

"You're going to push a wheelchair up high enough to see the fireworks all by yourself? I don't think it's realistic."

Yamaguchi regrets that it seems to have had the opposite effect. I still don't understand his feelings, and my heart sinks heavily.

"I'm sorry, Tsukki, please don't do that..."

"You're good, you can walk on your own, you can go anywhere you want."

Tsukishima says, unusually tightening his voice. He know it's outrageous, but He just can't stop.

"You laugh every day, but you don't know anything about me."

After saying it, he gets a face that says it's bad, but it's already too late. 

Yamaguchi looked terribly hurt and turned his head down.

"You're right, I'm sorry, Tskki... I don't know what I'm doing... Tsukki is in pain and I'm not doing anything for you..."

For a while, both of us lay on our faces in silence, and an awkward moment passed, but eventually Yamaguchi muttered to himself, "I think I'm going home for the day," and packed up his things and left the hospital room.

He left alone in a hospital room, biting his lip. Why is it that I end up hurting the person I least want to hurt, of all people?

It was never my intention to hurt Yamaguchi, but I couldn't handle the stress of the slow progress ofrehabilitation. 

He couldn't find any outlet for his emotions, and he had to take it out on Yamaguchi, who was working so hard to be there for him.

Just then, there was a knock at the door and a nurse came in.

"Huh? Did Yamaguchi-kun go home today? Unusual."

The young nurse, who had been in charge of me since I was asleep, had a friendly manner, as if we were friends.

"I think he's got a part-time job or something. More importantly, what's going on?"

"Oh,yeah. I was just wondering if those hospital thermometers in there. Sorry, I'll have to look for it."

Without waiting for Tsukishima's reply, she opens pillow and bedside drawer and begins to search for it. 

Tsukishima's eyes, which had been watching the movement without even seeing it, widen a bit in wonder.

"Ah! I knew it! I already told him, Yamaguchi-kun, you should have come to pay me back!"

I call out to her as she complains about finding what she wants in the second drawer.

"Um, is that..."

"Hmm?"

"Can you open the top drawer again, please?"

"Oh, this?"

Her face broke into a smile. "Isee, Tsukishima-kun, you didn't know that." She opened the drawer slowly.

The drawer was stuffed tightly with a plethora of letters. So many that you'd think they were in an idol's waiting room or something.

"What's this?"

"This is..."

As she says, the nurse's hand takes one of the envelopes and holds it out to Tsukishima.

It says 'Dear Tsukishima Kei' in not so pretty, familiar letters.

"Yamaguchi-kun has been writing them down every day and bringing them. While you were sleeping. Every day, every single day."

"Yamaguchi..."

"There's a lot, but read it to him." she said, bringing a suitably sized paper bag from the closet in the corner of the room and transferring all the letters into it, placing them under her pillow so Tsukishima could reach them.

"How are you, tsukki?

It snowed today! I was surprised that it snowed in Tokyo too.

But it didn't accumulate much. We can't play like this, right?

I bought a scarf at a nearby store, but I already have two scarves.

And when I put it on, it was a little too hot.

And, you know, in my lecture this afternoon...."

I read that far and look up.

"What's this? It's a diary. And... how are you doing?... I wasn't well, it's obvious."

I said, as if I was dumbfounded.

When I read the letter, which is not very long, to the end, I found that it is a poorly written letter with no writing talent and concludes with these words.

"Okay then.I'll write to you again.

I love you.

December 22 Yamaguchi Tadashi"

Reaching into the paper bag by his bedside, he groped for a few and brought them to his hand.

As he opened the seal one by one and followed the words, memories of Yamaguchi's earnest days fell into Tsukishima's mind one by one.

It rained.

The flowers are in bloom.

Summer vacation has started.

I'll save the maple leaves for you.

The exams are over.

It is cold every day.

The moon was beautiful.

I love you.

As he absentmindedly reads these poorly written letters from the past, Tsukishima's vision becomes increasingly blurred, and finally he drops a tear.

Those stupidly straightforward, earnest, simple words are lined up there as Yamaguchi's poorly written letters.

"It's so noisy until when I was asleep, Yamaguchi..."

Suddenly, I saw a single, strangely bobbly, wavy, dirty envelope.

When I opened it and took out the contents, the letterhead was similarly wavy, as if it had been wet with water.

"Tsukki,

I'm lonly.I miss you.

I love you.

March 1 Yamaguchi Tadashi"

The last letter said only this much.

He gulped when he saw the date. Tsukishima had woken up, that day.

In the midst of his dream, he felt like that sweet lover was crying, and he came back here.

Perhaps that day, Tsukishima realized, Yamaguchi had reached his limit.

He wrote me a stout letter every day, and smiled brightly as he took care of me, because he grasped what little hope he had and would not let go, but as the seasons passed by, he must have finally reached the end of his rope.

"Yamaguchi....."

A large paper bag full of stuffy letters.

He had endured that many days alone, gritting his teeth.And yet, I was.

Tsukishima remained slumped, staring at the letter until a voice called out, "Lights out," and with a snap, the main lights were turned off.

* * *

"Tsukki, good morning..."

Yamaguchi's voice was a little more reserved than usual, and Yamaguchi peeked out of the room.

"Good morning. Come in"

When I called out to him, he came in uncomfortably and sat down in the chair I had placed next to the bed.Then he looked at his hand for a while, mulling something over, but eventually he looked up and opened his mouth.

"Tsukki, um, sorry about that, I,"

"Yamaguchi, I want the cake from yesterday."

He interrupting and being selfish.

"Huh? Cake? Oh, yeah ... Okay. What, in the morning?"

He stands up and opens the fridge, looking like he's been shrugged off. Gently taking the box out so he doesn't knock it over, he pulls out a paper plate and a fork from somewhere and transfers it to Tsukishima to make it easier for him to eat.

"here. Shouldn't you get your table out?"

"....feed me."

"What's up, Tsukki? You look like a spoiled brat today."

With a chuckle, He bring the cake, which He cut into bite-sized pieces with fork, to Tsukishima's mouth as requested.

"...delicious."

"Yes! This is from a famous shop in Daikanyama, and it just happened to be specially set up in a shopping center near the university yesterday, and,"

"Yamaguchi."

He interrupts the happy words about the cake again and calls his name.

"Yes?"

"Come a little closer."

He does as told and pull face closer.

"More."

He confused by the fact that get a little closer, as you say, they're already nose to nose.

"That's about it."

Suddenly, Tsukishima stretches out a bit and their lips meet.

Yamaguchi's eyes widened in surprise for a moment, then gently lowered. A cooler part of his mind thought, lest he drop the plate of cake in his hand.

The kiss is just a touch, and then the lips part.

"I'm sorry, Yamaguchi."

Tsukishima rubbing his cheek against Yamaguchi's cheek like a cat and said.

"I'm sorry to take it out on you."

Yamaguchi shakes his head.

"No, I'm the one...! I'm glad you're awake... For Tsukki, every day is hard and painful, but I was so happy that I just giggled... I'm sorry for being so insensitive, I'm sorry."

He rubs his cheek gently to deny Yamaguchi's words.

"I mean, you were the one who carried me through all those years without crying... I'm lame being this after just a month of rehab."

Tsukishima raised his arms, still moving awkwardly, and gently wrapped his hands around Yamaguchi's body, but he couldn't hold him.

"I'm sorry for keeping you waiting. But just wait a little longer."

He said, and Yamaguchi's eyes narrowed with an irresistible sadness.

"I can waiting forever, Tsukki..."

Instead of Tsukishima's inability to hug him, Yamaguchi's arms hugged his body tightly.

Outside the window was a blue April sky.The clouds that floated in the sky drifted away and would eventually change their shape.

* * *

Sitting in the wheelchair, Tsukishima looked at the spacious hospital room with an indescribable smile on his face, and then took a small breath.

"Tsukki, is this all you have left? Akiteru-kun's already said he's going to start the car."

A familiar freckled face peeked through the door.

Today, Tsukishima will be discharged from the hospital.

Of course, he will continue his rehabilitation even after leaving the hospital.

He can't walk on his own yet, and there is no guarantee that he will ever be able to do so.

But he already knew how important and lovely a miracle it was to have one life here.

So he left the hospital room with a refreshed feeling.

"Yamaguchi, that's all that's left."

He pulls out a paper bag that he had tucked away in his closet. When he hands it to Yamaguchi, he almost stumbles and falls under the unexpected weight.

"Heavy! What is this?"

The eyes of Yamaguchi widen as he says,he holds the paper bag in his hand and checks its contents.

"It's my treasure."

Tsukishima, whose expression didn't change much, looked at Yamaguchi with an unusually happy smile in his eyes.

Packed inside the paper bag, as much as this was, were a bunch of letters written by his old self, many of them.

"Tsukki, this..."

"This is the treasure that has kept me in the world."

Yamaguchi pulls his lips together.

Oh, I'm gonna cry. It's such a nice day.

"Thank you ... Yamaguchi."

Tsukishima bowed to Yamaguchi with a renewed expression.

"Don't do it, Tsukki, it's not..."

"You're the reason I won't despair in the future, no matter what happens to me. If you'll let me, I want to live with you forever and ever."

Unable to resist, tears spill from Yamaguchi's eyes.

It was for Tsukishima's sake that he vowed not to cry, but it was always Tsukishima who made him cry.

"Hey, don't cry, Yamaguchi. I'm in trouble when you're crying."

He wipe his tears away with fingertips.

As He's done so many times before.

Yamaguchi's hand pushes his wheelchair out of the hospital.

Outside, the cherry blossoms were in full bloom.

"Yamaguchi, stop running, you're scaring me!"

"Cause! There are so many cherry blossoms in bloom, Tsukki!"

Tsukishima smiles.

Yamaguchi's only wish, his prayer, his all-consuming longing.

Yamaguchi smiles.

The fragile, strong, precious treasure that held Tsukishima together in this world.

The heartbeat of my loved ones is pulsing right beside.

They are breathing, blinking, talking, laughing, and crying.

It is alive.

They wants to hold onto that miraculous sparkle with great care, and live with it until the day when they truly let go of life.

Suddenly a great wind blows.

Cherry blossom petals danced in the sky as if to bless them both.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if there is anything inadequate in the tagging.
> 
> Also, if there are any problems, I will deleted this.
> 
> Thanks! :)


End file.
